My childhood in Romania

‎"Noi cei care ne-am nascut in ani 70’-80', vedem acum în anul 2012 cum casa părinţilor noştri este de 50 de ori mai scumpă decât atunci când au cumpărat-o şi realizăm că noi o să plătim pentru casele noastre în jur de 50 de ani. Nu avem amintiri despre primii paşi pe lună, nici despre războaie sângeroase, dar avem cultură generală, pentru că asta însemna ceva o dată. Suntem ultima generaţie care a jucat “Ascunselea”, “Castel”, “Raţele şi vânătorii”, “Ţară, ţară! Vrem ostaşi”, “Prinsa”, “Sticluţa cu otravă”, “Pac Pac”, “Hoţii şi vardiştii”, ultimii care au strigat “Un doi trei la perete stai”, ultimii care au folosit telefoanele cu fise, dar primii care am făcut petreceri video (închiriam un video şi stăteam să ne uităm la filme 2 zile închişi în casă) primii care am vazut desene animate color, primii care am renunţat la casete audio şi le-am înlocuit cu cd-uri. Noi am purtat jeanşi elastici, pantaloni evazaţi, geci de blugi de la turci, iar cine avea firme gen Lee sau Puma era deja lider de gasca. Noi nu am dat examene de Capacitate, nu am dat teste grile la admitere. Noi am fost ultimii “Soimi ai Patriei” şi ultimii “Pioneri”. La grădiniţă am învăţat poezii în româneşte, nu în engleză… şi am cântat MULŢI ANI TRĂIASCĂ nu HAPPY BIRTHDAY la aniversări. Am sorbit din ochi Sclava Isaura, Beverly Hills, Melrose Place, Twin Peaks, Dallas.. şi cine zice că nu s-a uitat ori minte ori nu avea încă televizor. Reclamele de pe posturile străine ne înnebuneau, şi abia asteptam să vină şi la noi îngheţata Magnum, sau puştile alea absolut superbe de apă. Între timp, ne consolăm cu Tango cu vanilie şi ciocolată şi clasicele bidoane umplute cu apă de la robinet, care turnate în cap ne provocau pneumonii. Noi am ascultat şi Metallica, şi Ace of Base, şi DJ Bobo, şi Michael Jackson, şi Backstreet Boys, şi Take That, şi încă nu auzisem de manele, singurele melodii de joc fiind horele la chefuri, la care nimeni nu ştia paşii, dar toţi dansam! Dar spre deosebire de copiii din ziua de azi, am auzit atât de Abba, şi de Queen, cât şi de noile nume gen 50 Cent şi Britney Spears. Pe ei daca îi intrebi, “Muzica a-nceput cu Backstreet Boys, care nici nu mai sunt cool acum, man!”. Am citit “Licurici”, “Pif” ’’Cireşarii’’, şi am băut Cico şi Zmeurata şi ni s-a părut ceva extraordinar când au apărut primele sucuri “de la TEC” fără să ne fie teamă că “au prea multe E-uri”, iar la şcoală beam toată clasa dintr-o sticlă de suc fără teamă de viruşi. Noi am băut prima Coca-Cola la sticla şi am descoperit internetul. Noi nu ne dădeam bip-uri, ne fluieram să ieşim afară, noi nu aveam dolby surround system, tăceam toţi ca să auzim acţiunea filmului, nu aveam Nintendo sau Playstation ci jocuri tetris de care ne plictiseam la o lună după ce le cumpăram şi le uitam pe dulap, pline de praf. Abia aşteptam la chefuri să jucăm “Fântâniţa”, sau “Flori, fete sau băieţi”, sau “Adevăr sau Provocare”, sau orice ne dădea un pretext să “pupam pe gură” pe cine “iubeam”. Noi suntem cei care încă au mai “cerut prietenia”, care încă roşeam la cuvantul “sex”, care dădeam cu banul care să intre în farmacie să cumpere prezervative, pe care apoi să le umplem cu apa şi să le aruncăm în capul colegilor, care am completat mii de oracole, sperând că persoana iubită va citi acolo unde scrie “De cine iţi place?” că ne place de el/ea. Este uimitor că încă mai suntem în viaţă, pentru că noi am mers cu bicicleta fără cască, genunchiere şi cotiere, nu am avut scaune speciale în maşini, nu am aruncat la gunoi bomboanele care ne cadeau din greşeală pe jos, nu am avut pastile cu capac special să nu fie desfăcute de copii, nu ne-am spălat pe mâini după ce ne-am jucat cu toţi câinii şi toate pisicile din cartier, nu am băut doar apa îmbuteliată, nu ne-am tăvălit şi bălăcit prin toate bălţile şi nu am ţinut cont de câte lipide şi glucide mâncam, părinţii noştri nu au “child proof the house”, ne-au trimis să cumpărăm bere şi vin de la alimentară, şi câte un pachet de ţigări de la tutungerie. Noi am auzit cum s-a tras la Revoluţie, noi am fost martorii a trei schimbări de bancnote şi monede, noi am râs la bancuri cu Bula, noi am fost primii care au auzit-o pe Andreea Esca la Pro TV, noi suntem cei care mai ţinem minte emisiunea “Feriţi-vă de măgăruş”." Suntem o generaţie de învingători, de visători, de “first-timers”… Dacă citeşti şi ai căzut măcar un pic pe gânduri, eşti de-al nostru!!

My mini-promotion at work

P has bought me the biggest bottle that i've ever had of prosecco with this wonderful message: "For pup from panda to say thank you for your love and support and her new analyst job"

At work, I got mini-promoted in current team to more responsibilities and nicer work, giving me better opportunities for my continuing career. I am really happy and proud that my efforts have not gone un-noticed. But the surprise from P has made it special in a way that only your partner can make you feel.

How does it feel to fail?

I grew up in a culture and a family where failing was not an option. Not in the sense that if I would fail, then I will not get my allowance for the week or be punished to stay in my room and not go out with my friends. It was never in an option in the sense that it never existed in my trail of thoughts. 


I have never considered giving up something or that I will fail before starting to engage on a new journey. It has never crossed my mind that I might not be good enough or can't work hard enough. 


Of course it is always a matter of choice if you actually decide to work hard to get something. But Working Hard and not getting what you want at the end of it? NEVER!


The tyranny of always succeeding is following me till today in a culture that nourishes, helps and supports failure. Moreso, it encourages it by not actually unveiling it and dealing with the reasons for failure. 


It is a sort of culture that always drives you forward, forever improving, pushing for more and more. and these values are instilled to you as child. if something gets "too hard", you're never told, "it's ok, you can just give it up and start again later". It's always "I know it's hard, but you can do it". You don't even question "what happens if I just stop doing it" because it never crosses your mind. 


Not being given the option to fail is what makes you succeed. 


And then I move to another country, into a new culture and I am hitting myself against different mentalities of failure, elaborate reasons behind it (all of which are perfectly rational) and how to pep talk yourself when doing the smallest of thing that you're amazing for even managing that. 


So, getting back to my question, I was wondering how must it feel to fail? Maybe fail at being a husband, fail at your job, fail an exam or just fail the simplest of tasks when someone asks you to buy bread at the store. 

Adventure partner wanted

I put the word "partner" because I don't want a fling - I can always go out, get drunk in any bar and have a one night stand - this is for someone who can read more than 5 lines of text :)

Adventure was included because that's want I want - I don't want to get married and have kids - if you believe that sort of stuff I am definitely not the right person for you.

I am looking for some who shares my interests and wants the same things I want - naturally, not as a compromise.

I am a very ambitious person who believes in working hard and earning a decent amount of money so you can do what you want with your life in the rest of time no matter how limited that might be.

I am an intelligent girl, who loves with her mind more than with her heart - i don't lie and never pretend.

I want to travel all over the world and experience things - from rock climbing, snowboarding to sky diving, weird foods, dancing, cultures, beliefs and subtle differences in people.

I am naturally curious and inquisitive - I am good with writing and good with numbers. I am creative but also very rational - I love music and new things because I get bored quickly - I don't see barriers in life, I see challenges and opportunities.

I want someone who is mentally strong - just like me, but flexible and open, otherwise we would crack each others heads apart :)

Green weekend away

After a weekend away in the countryside with my friend, A. and discussing life plans, future, current boyfriends situation - with her mostly having a great big complain about how her bf is not earning enough money and different mentalities and cultures, it made me think about my own life and current situation.

I was listening to her saying how she wants her relationship with him to work cause she doesn't want to be with someone else - but on the other hand she doesn't want to give anything of her own mentality away - its either her way or no way. But she wants to have her cake and eat it with this poor guy going through hell.

I am aware I am in the same situation. The difference is that I am growing more and more aware of my wants in my life - despite the fact that everyone thought it was a phase in my teenage life, I still don't want to sign a paper telling me that I nee to be with someone for the rest of my life - I prefer to make that choice myself. I still don't want to have anything to do with kids and being a parent. I want to travel the world and see things, experience various foods, cultures music and just people really.

As everyone calls it, my fear of Commitment might be just because thinking really hard I cannot say I have ever met one perfect person in my life that wants the same things that I want, is willing to put the same effort and money towards the same goals.

I understand people might have their own wishes and want to do different things to me - but really, those people shouldnt be the people I am trying to build a future next to.

Because I am going to pull into one direction, them in other directions and we either compromise and no one gets what they want or one gets it and the other one is unhappy and eventually blows out - either way, it's not the way to do it.

How about finding someone who shares your views and wants and wishes ? I don't think I have necessarily been very clear myself with what I want: so it was easy for me to kinda mess around with people thinking its all good because I had  no clear vision on where I was going myself.

Now that I am growing up and finding myself a bit more it's all become clearer. But the problem is ... I am currently with a guy in my life and at least until Nov I cannot do much.

Wait until then and them drop the bomb - which would be hardly fair ... What are the alternatives ? Wait to see how things turn out till then cause he is in a bit of a transition period himself?

Maybe wait and clear my head a bit more... 


One thing I am forgetting is that I love this guy and that I melt in his arms when he is next to me. He makes me happy when there is no other life shit happening around us - unfortunately life shit is becoming increasingly more and more important, knocking at our door every day now. 

The day the sun shines

i don't know if it takes a small thing - such as discovering a camera able to take an very insignificant photo to a beautiful night sky - that makes me feel human again. 

maybe it's getting a bit of distance - from my london flat, my boyfriend - the constant fighting or the pressure of work, part-time studying, not failing in everything that i do, disappointing my parents, maintaining my high spirits and many others. 

but blimey, it's good to be away from it all. i was smiling all day today - being in the sun, visiting an old british castle in kenilworth, stretching my eyes in the green, taking photos again - seeing the world through a camera lens is so much more interesting!

but it felt like i could breathe again, like i didn't have to stop my breath mid way because of a cry or anger or frustration or that I just want to scream. i just could breathe.

How good is it to be lazy

I think I am finding less and less free time these days - than I've probably ever had. 


Trying to joggle full-time work, studying towards a BSc, living with your boyfriend and trying to make a relationship work seem to be the highest earners (in terms of my time). 


Then there are things that you never think of, things that you don't really do much "time budgeting" for but that just sneak up on you - wanting to go to the gym - one evening lost, food shopping for the week - almost an evening lost, other activities, such as volunteering and having meetings and preparations for the actual volunteering - at least 2-3 evenings lost; laundry, cleaning, dishes and cooking - eating away at your day bit by bit without even realising it. 


I am running out of time and the 24h in the day are not enough to be able to do all that I need to do. 


So, this past bank holiday weekend I had a couple of days off - away from everything. And it was bloody good. Waking up when your body naturally feels it has had enough sleep and then staying in bed until 2 in the afternoon is one of the best feelings in the world. 


Making myself small in the duver cover, watching the sky through the window and thinking of nothing. Is it lazy and horrible of me to be doing that? Slobbing away in my happiness? I honestly couldn't care less. I think getting out of bed late and getting some quick breakfast with a cup of tea and then getting back into bed is the one thing that actually makes sense in the current crazy world that I live in. 


With everyone talking about eurozones and elections, inflation rates and growth rates, unemployment and job searching, careers and families and much, much more - I think lying still and watching a clock as the minutes go by is one thing that makes sense. Listening to the heart beat of the person next to you, or concentrating on your every breath is just pure simplicity. Lying in bed and being lazy is the best!

Would you run to me?

I love this clip -it's awesome. It makes me think of who would run to me if I couldn't.


Such a simple idea but executed in such a real, live way that you forget this is an advert really. 

 

Harvey and Rabbit

Love this advert!

Harvey and Rabbit = Friends for life - makes me laugh when the dog appears out of nowhere

A bit lost

Results from a depression test I took online.... Should I worry?

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High
Dysthymia:	Slight-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Very High
Cyclothymia:	Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Extremely High
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test