Show me the way...

I handed in my dissertation. The final piece of academic work I will ever have to do. The last time in the library at Leeds Uni, in the computer cluster trying to find relevant articles or having to write something from morning to night downstairs, looking for a couch in the warm side of the group study area. Going into LUBS will be for administrative purposes only from now, if I need a document or a certain paper. I will be an Alumnus...

It feels so weird.. I feel hanging in mid air in a white room, with no furniture, very bright light, with nothing around me and a feeling of unmeasured space and time. Can move in any direction, but all I see is white and don't know where to go. No sound coming from anywhere and I am trying to see whether this room is even square, as the white does not allow me to see the sharp edges. The pyjamas I'm wearing may indicate I was sleeping when arriving here, but I have no idea how long it's been. Am I even hungry or thirsty? That could point to a timeline, but I have no physical discomfort what so ever. Everything should be fine, except too much white around me.

I used to love uncertainty to a very high extent... maybe I still do and am not even aware of it. That's why I moved to another country, as I did not want to follow the all too better known path for Romania: graduate from uni, have to get a job, a house, a car and then spend the rest of your life trying to show off the things you do or did/own/borrowed from someone else or just saw it down the street but made sure you took a photo with you right next to it. It would surely be unfair to say this only applies for Romania, as just coming back from Paris, loads of people exhibited the same behaviour. But this is not the subject here. I do not like fixed terms and accurate predictions.

Sometimes it turns out I do, at least for now. I want to know where I'm going in the sense that I currently I can move anywhere in the UK , work for any company that has a marketing department and in any industry. I completely hate that uncertainty!!!! I have to admit it has a good sound to it, in the sense that the world is my oyster, but I would rather just get it over with and know exactly where I will be and what I will be doing. The wait is killing me.

Moreover, my dynamic nature cannot stay still for long, I have to do things, preferably a lot of things at the same time and to not have the time to think of anything else. Some day, people tell me, I might get sick of this way of life, but I'm not anywhere there yet, so.. I can't say for sure. I am also a social person and all my friends are working hard to finish their dissertation, so nobody is available to go out and even then... I am still a student with no job, so money is scarce.

After finding a job, I think I will go back to loving uncertainty but before then…. Show me the way to the next white room!