P's world

P. sees the world in colours and shapes.

Everything is dynamic and all is moving.

He needs more than music, he needs images and places for his mind to wonder to.

P is a very creative person in everything he does. (single most important aspect)

His mind is a wonderful maze for me to discover, regenerating itself all the time:
- mysteries from his past experiences that influence so much of his life today
- beliefs based on the family he grew up in and that affect the way he wants his world to be like
- behaviours learnt from all the people he has met, gestures and psychological subtleties that make him a good player at the nice little game of poker we play
- instinctive reactions that make him human


He is a man of opposites (again important):

- insecurity and arogance creep up and move past his thoughts and actions. one moment he adores himself, just like Narcis loved himself too much, which can be so off-putting, but in the same time, the slightest, smallest comment could make him feel very low about himself.

- an incredibile sensibility to other people's emotions and the need to help them even at his own expense, while at other times, he is completely and utterly non-responsive at "normal" human behaviour, seeming so detatched from everything

- being a man and a child is something that a lot of guys do. it's the fraile balance between the moments he acts like one or the other and the way he expresses himself that makes the difference. He acts like a male figure when I need to be the woman, he supports me when I need a friend, he cuddles in my arms, but spoils me in the same time

This range of reactions keep me on my toes. I like being on my toes. Maybe not all the time. But certainly most of the time.

Cons:

The world, according to P. should be a very conservative place. A place where women wear skirts and men wear trousers. Men protect the household, they put the bread on the table, are the authority in the house, while women maintain the household and raise the children.

I am very liberal. I don't like set patterns, and rules, and regulations by which a society should govern itself. I am not a supporter of chaos theory either. I believe in people being given fair chances, but I believe in competition and individualism.

What the hell am I doing with someone that has opposite beliefs from me?

The pure, honest answer is I don't know. I try not to think too much about it. I will soon have to, as reality is knocking at my door, but not for now. Not for another good few weekends at least.

Another reality that is knocking at my door is opportunities, priorities and future plans. He wants to go to work somewhere else in the next year or so. I have already done that. I am living in the UK, working and want to travel, see places and meet people. Re-location is something that I could consider when I will become a British Ciziten, but not before that. I am reluctant to leave my parents in another hemisphere of the Earth also.

Next item on the agenda - I need to be with an ambitious man, who is going somewhere, who will be able to at least afford the things that I can afford and has the same priorities. Otherwise I will be stuck wanting to do things that I won't simply be able to do or will have to do with someone else. He is not really anywhere near that.

Where do all these leave me? On the way to Hull for now, but for how long and how much of myself am I leaving there every single weekend?