the importance of being invited to meet the family

i have never really given too much importance to this bullshit about meeting the family. that could be because my parents have always encouraged me to bring my boyfriends back home, to spend time with them in a safe, warm, filled with food, cigarettes and alcohol environment. 

i have very cool parents, what can I say? they would rather provide me with the right environment for me to feel comfortable at home rather than go off and put myself in danger. 

to be fair, i was a terrible child and I have put myself in danger plenty of times anyway. 

but the fact remains that my parents gave me all the opportunities I needed in order to bring my boyfriends at home. I had my own room and they never, but never I tell you - and you might find this hard to believe - did they enter my room without knocking on the door and me giving them permission. 

i had guys over and they just stayed away. so I brought guys that I was a little bit serious about home. and when i say serious it just means that having the freedom to bring anyone at home gave me the common sense to not want to bring anyone. because i knew that if my mum and dad saw some of the losers I was with, they might think their daughter is a looser too. when, in fact, those guys were just a way to pass the time, entertain myself. 

relationships were never my priority - school, achieving my objectives, career and making my parents proud of me were always on my most important agenda. but, that doesn't mean that you can't have some fun. and fun I had. 

so this business with bringing your boyfriend to meet your parents was never a big deal for me because i knew that those boys that I was taking home were never going to last. They were these temporarily to keep me company, help me grow, get me to fall in love, experience life to its fullest. But I never wanted to actually spend the rest of life with any of them. 

i was far too young, and had far too much to see and to do to tie myself down like that. But relationships make you grow in ways I cannot ever describe. and each was different, each hurt me in ways I never knew possible and from each I became a better person for. 

so when someone said to me, yet about another boyfriend that I was taking home .... about how big this step was and about what it meant for the relationship... I always thought they were silly people. things always take the importance of what you give them to be. 

my best friend is going through a moment lie this now - her boyfriend's mum is in town, visiting from another country and the mum doesn't want to meet her. she is hurt and furious with her boyfriend for not introducing her to his mum. she feels that this is not seen as a serious relationship or that he might not have the courage to present her to his mum because she is not good enough or ... or... 

the whole shebang is making her feel quite confused. 

and then, after all of this and me not understanding what the hell all of this is about.... it finally came to my door. it knocked and I answered. I am finally being faced with it myself. D. is going back home for the holidays at his family. And when he initially told me this, I didn't make much of it, as it is quite normal. But after a while, I realised that I not only wanted to spend time with him and didn't want to be apart for 3 weeks, but ... but... that I wanted him to want to introduce me to his family. 

I really didn't care where we go, what we do, but all of a sudden, I found myself having this desire of getting to know his family and seeing him with his family. Seeing him in his environment and with his close ones. Seeing where we grew up and the places he went, the stories related to those places. I wanted to get to know him at a deeper level. I wanted to be a part of all of that history. I wanted to get close to who he is at his deepest, most foundational level. 

And there I was.... feeling scared and disappointed at the thought that I might not be able to. That he might feel it's too early, that he might think we haven't yet spent enough time getting to know each other. Which are all potentially true and factual statements. Nothing I could argue with. 

But, at an emotional level, I began to understand what this whole thing about being invited to meet the family was about. 

which made me think of my family and about him meeting them. and sadly, i realised he is never going to be able to do any connecting with my parents. the language barrier is just unbreakable. and previously, the guys that were speaking english that i took home were at least a bit sensitive to my dad barely understanding them and spoke a bit slower. mum doesn't speak at all. but D. talks fast ... which is just going to be impossible to understand and also mumbles - which makes it difficult for me to hear him - so i frequently ask him to repeat what he says. so, translating will just be a killer. 

so for the first time in my life, I am happy to be invited to meet his family. I have never wanted nor desired this in any way with any of my previous guys. So I'm excited by it. 

And weirdly enough, he is the first guy in my life that I don't really want to jump to take home. Because he is not one of the many. And because if him and my parents cannot connect in any way, then all of it seems pointless.