Is it alright not to be able to cry ? Something in me says that I need to cry, I need to let out all the evil and the noise and the traffic jam. We all have our ghosts to hunt us, I always had mine. Decisions I had to make, people to face, to let go, maybe dreams, little clouds, sometimes memories to put together.

All gathered around, a small coffee table that has her own story : people who made it from some tall tree, those people’s children go to kindergarten and they wear clothes that are so symbolic.

Do you regret anything? Somebody told me that at some point we all do. I sometimes have wonders, doubt my choices and imagine some other person living my own life. It is a great curiosity of mine how important is the relationship between our parents and how that affects our perspective on people. After this year that will never be the same. I guess that is my regret, I lost something that can never be won back : a happy ( at least the idea of) family.

It is weird how I always used to say that it is better to know than to be lied to and how that has lost it’s importance, because there are so many moments when I wish I would’ve never found out. And once again my beliefs disappeared in the deep mist. And now I can cry…. So it’s no use to write anymore, right? Because writing is a liberation, is leting out your brain or your soul. Tears let out your heart and maybe writing loses it’s substance, that fire that burns within and makes creation spectacular. Crying is not spectacular, it’s purely intimate and quiet. At least for me it is…