I haven't gone on a chat site since internet came about in Romania more than 10 years ago and I was sitting in dodgy internet cafe shops and played counter strike, typed in the web addresses into the web browser (yes, from memory and knew them by heart - seems wild now!!) and also went onto chat rooms using mIRC.
The latter was very popular and I remember all conversations stared with "asl pls" and it was wild. Complete strangers, speaking online for hours, just wasting time chatting about nothing much or really good stuff sometimes. Most of the guys were complete weirdoes (yes, that hasn't changed!!) and it was a bit of a waste of time. But the fascinating fact was that we were all connected through this amazing new thing and we were all able to communcate, in real time, typing messages to one another.
I have always been into communication if I think about it. Even before that, I used to have correspondence friends, that I wrote letters to. All these people were placing some ads in the teens magazine that we had back then (the only one, I remember it was called Popcorn!!)
It must've been at least 5 guys that I used to write letters to. Nothing romance related, because they would never meet me, but we would sometimes send photos and I remember I was curious to meet them.
Bottom line is that I have always reached to people, especially strangers to get to know, discover, analyse - whatever you want to call it. Human contact is second to none. I would not be able to live without it.
Unfortunately, the more you grow up, the less friends you seem to have - the process and the reasons behind this is maybe another post's subject. But it is very concerning and I do find it difficult, with me liking to interact with people. To bump ideas and turn back thoughts and have a dialogue. With people, especially with strangers because it's new people, new ideas and new perspectives. Get out of your circle of friends, out of the comfort zone.
Now how do I explain to my boyfriend that I met this guy last night on chat. Seemed alright, so we went from chat to messenger IDs and carried on for hours. Just some other people's perspective, a fresh through, a human interaction.
It's not that I lack that with my boyfriend, but I just need some variation for my brain. It's got nothing to do with him really. It's just ... nothing. The very simple way to describe this: nothing. To me a simple human need.
The fair bit would be for me to consider how I would feel if he was doing this behind my back - how I would feel if he was doing this at all and especially not telling me about it. I would not like it that much and would think: if you don't tell me, it must be something to hide.
So, the issue here is a principle really. Not a chat, not a random guy, but how do I still stay happy and fulfil my human interaction needs without losing the trust of someone I love and care a lot? How can I not apply double standards - I am ok doing this, but I would not like him to do it with another girl. Awfully selfish and against my belief that you should treat others like you want to be treated back in everything really.
Till now, I got out from this by lying. It's easy and pain free. I am also a good liar, so people never find out, if I don't want them to. The only thing different this time is the guy - the guy that makes me think twice before...
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