My dear Adam,

Since this past weekend (11/12 Jan), when we were joking about all the marriage and kids stuff and I had a bit of a reactive episode.... I can say that I've taken that opportunity to challenge my presumptions and my former thought patterns.

As you know, I am on a mission to reduce my reactivity, address my issues and my straight away reactions set in familiar thought patterns rather than being representative of myself.

Since I have done this with a lot of things in my head - by reacting just like I would have done in the past because that's the familiar response route in my head - this is another thing that I want to work on. Not because I want to change this one way or another, but because I want to increase my awareness of myself and make mindful, active choices, not live in set patterns just because they are secure and known.

Now, that I have done that intro, I would like to share some of the things on my mind with you. None of these are set in stone, but they are thoughts that have come out of that and I like the freedom, as well as the new exploration that new challenges in my thought pattern brings me.

Since I have never really, ever seriously thought any any long term commitment with anyone else before, this seems still a bit silly and strange for me. However, I am still pursuing this train of thought no matter how many times my brain pushes back.