How fucking (un)exciting

I am scared. Moved in with Adam this weekend. 2 days and a half, 2 fights. One major one, about important things to do with trust and honesty. And my behaviour has triggered this one, but Adam was vicious. He hurts me with his words, he gets really angry and shouts at me very easily. 

Second one was a stupid one. Silly moment and nothing important. But Adam, as usual turned it into a majestically symbolic moment or maximum importance. We were shouting at eachother and the rest of the day he barely spoke to me. We went to dinner and still... Barely speaking. 

I am now alone, in my new room. I would like some comfort and some kindness. Some love and some forgiveness. Some desire to be with me. There is nothing. This isn't the first nor the last time. I am scared. 

I am not sure what have I got myself into. This man has never lived with a woman his entire adult life. He doesn't like sharing, being told what to do, he doesn't know about compromise and he doesn't know about making up. And about moving on. 

I am scared. In out first weekend moving in. I am not excited, I am not looking forward to this. I am just scared. A shit start. In moments like these, I don't see any point to our relationship. In moments like these, I don't see a good end to our relationship. I see a close and bitter end. 

How fucking (un)exciting. :( Another 3 years wasted of my life. This time, I intend to make it only 1 and a half.