My fears and more

Well, I have to tell you that I am in one of those days when I think that I should just stay here, in my own country, on "safe ground". Why go to UK ? I have no idea how people are going to be there, whether I will be able to fit in and, most important, to get a job and make a new life.

Here, everything works for me, as I have my own place to stay, my friends to support me and most of all, the language and the cultural values are familiar.

I am, in other words, scared to death to leave all this safety and go into such a big unknown.

Besides that, an important issue is the money. I mean, my parents will help me out at first, but, afterwards, what will I do ? Well paid jobs are not everywhere to be found. Will I be able to succeed ? Many questions, fewer answers and still rising. The more I look for information, the more questions I have.

Well, I can tell you this one is not going to be easy. But, on the other hand, that is why I want to do it so bad. I must admit that I have things to prove myself, things like my strengths, my values, even beyond that, I really actually have to find myself, reach out for what I stand for and express it to the world.

Because I have always hated when people ask me : what do you want to do with your life ? And up so far, I have no answer to that. As I have no idea what I want, how hard I can fight for it or what are my own boundaries.

So, this is why I have to go, because only in a new environment one can uncover it's true nature. Here, there are connections already made in my brain cells. When all your life you have been acting and responding in a certain way at some stimuli, you are most likely to do the same in the future, as brain cells tend to connect to each other permanently if you keep giving them synapses (a.k.a. your thoughts) to work on.

What I'm trying to say is that if you associate red with fear, and you keep doing that for a long time, the connections in your brain between "red" and "fear" will become permanent, so they are very hard to break. But, if you go into a world where all the good things are red, then, you might get the chance to change your perspective and see that red is not so bad after all.

So, in the end, I just want a change of perspective on this world, in order to figure out who I really am.