what is the point?

What is the point? What is the point? What is the point?

all the things that I want, all the things I hoped for, all the things that I am never going to have. all the things that everyone dreams of

have a normal life, with a loving partner, a person who is all worth it, whom you want to share everything with. getting up in the morning and going to a fulfilling job, a job that makes you proud, a job that challenges you, a place with nice people, a positive atmosphere and a normal environment. and when you come back home, at whatever time of the night, day or evening, you are just happy to find that one person that we want to to spend a normal evening in.

share the food, just play around the house, giggling. share a sunset. share the balcony. share time, time in which you read a book and he does something else. don't even care what, but the simple presence of him in the room just makes it all worth it.

share a film, a complete utter nonsense of a comedy. brush your teeth. take a shower while you chat about nothing what so ever.

and then go to bed with them and still enjoy the smell of their skin, the closeness. and make plans and dream of things to come.

and wake up every day, the most normal day and start this all over again. and just be happy, just enjoy your life. isn't that what you're supposed to do when you are 26? just have a nice, normal life?

with a good job, a happy relationship, in a nice place and with nice future plans.

what is the point? it is all so far now, just so fucking far, just so fucking impossible because something has to be missing all the time. and i keep thinking of all the failures and all the things i've lost. and all the things i haven't got in me to lose any more, because i will simply cease to exist if i lose any more.

and how do you find the strength to start over? to hope and dream and just search for some sort of normality, just a bit of normality.