If there is anything that a holiday gives you that is perspective. That is time to get out of your on head and just reflect on things. I am going through quite a reflective stage in my life anyway but a holiday is just time away from everything.
Being in busy London gives you a sense of the immediate the I've never had anywhere else. All is urgent, time takes on new dimensions and all is fleeting. So you just want to do everything, you want it all. You want to work hard and just because you work so hard during the week, you always want to play hard at the weekend. It seems like time is running out of patience.
Coming on holiday for 14 days with A. - a guy I've met less than 6 months ago in Cancun, Mexico. I have started thinking how limited time like this is and how precious. And how in London I was so happy having all sorts of adventures with this man. He is extremely smart, he is always taking me to the nicest places in London, have engaging conversations, learn about myself and exchange ideas all the time.
For London, that is perfect. It's fun and it's new and it's engaging and it's discovering new things. For a holiday place filled with couples that are on their honeymoon, celebrating anniversaries etc. something seems to be missing.
What is exactly missing? Me being in love with this man. Me being passionate about this man. I know that passion fades in time. I know it doesn't last. After 4 long term failed relationships I am well aware of that.
The connection is missing. That thing that happens when you look into the other persons eyes and you know you can just say nothing.
The amazement that no matter what their flaws are, you love them despite of those flaws. That those are not even flaws but just endearing traits for you. The amazement to feel connected to another human being despite being 8h time difference away and over 6,000 miles away (10,000km) yet not to the person standing right next t you.
This time has made me realise that even if certain affairs are fun and good enough for London, they are certainly much different when it comes to quality time. That time that you I I doesn't come around too often and that you would want to share with a special person rather with whoever happens to be there.
And this is what relationships are made for. This is why people choose to spend their lives with one another. Because those connections are hard to come by and so frail, so easily broken.
So the wind blows and the sun is shining. And the weather is gorgeous, the people are smiling at me all the time, the food is so tasty like I've never tasted before.
And it is all about right now and the shadows on the whitest sand. And the music of the waves and the bluest of the colours of the water. And there is so much life around me, it's in the air.
I've need been very good at enjoying the present. It has always been a chase of the ever changing goals of the future that has stopped me from enjoying the beauty of today. I have been able to steal moments an enjoy the seconds that I realised were perfect in the present but I think now I have a much strongest power to live in the present rather than filling that things are no quite perfect and I could have more.
This time, I love it. This time I love how I am away in this paradise of a place, with a very smart man, entertaining me and taking care of me, spoiling me and being very tender and affectionate but not overbearing and allowing me the freedom to be myself.
I am enjoying the opportunities that might await for me when I come back from this holiday with potentially the only man that has ever made me think of spending the rest of my life with him.
I am enjoyjg the open and real possibilities to work and move to another continent, not even in my own but with a really great guy that would be there to support me if required.
I am enjoying the beauty around me. The air and the swim suit. My hair bowing in the wind. The infinity pool. The infinity jacuzzi. All the free drinks included.
I am happy. I wouldn't change anything with my life right now. No thinking of the the potential bigger, better deal. There is time for everything. Time doesn't exist. No wanting something I can't have but think that I need. I am so happy and so fulfilled with my life and it's all amazing. It's magic. Pure, unadulterated and REAL Magic. And it's happening right now.
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