I am writing to you from the future, despite us not quite mastering time travel yet, but you never know. If all past, present and future is happening at the same time then these might just be the the words you need to feel coming towards you, despite you not being fully able to read them.
I am writing to you to say that it is all going to be fine. You are going to grow up to be an amazing woman, with an amazingly fulfilling life. And it's all going to work out in the end.
I know that at the moment you feel lost. You don't know what you're intending to do with your life. Your colleagues around you are starting to take private tutoring lessons for Uni exam entrances and you haven't even got a clue what you want to study, much less how to get there.
You feel you're a failure. You've gone to the best primary school, your parents have fought hard to get you into the best secondary school and now you're in the best high school in town. Everyone else around is delivering their part, there is only so much your parents can do. They can enable you but you've got to do the doing.
I know you feel that there is a world of burdens in your shoulders. You feel that the decisions you make now will affect you for the rest of your life and there is no clear path. Don't worry, Andra, all of your decisions will be perfect and everything that you will ever do will be good enough for your parents. You won't disappoint them. You will make them happy and proud.
Don't worry 15 year old Andra, you are already on your way.
I know you feel lost and you're looking for a sign, for a mark. You're in a continuous search of yourself and what makes you happy. You want to be happy so badly. Instead, you feel lost, vulnerable and alone. I am here to tell you that all those things that you're feeling are there for a reason.
You're going to fall in love and you're going to hurt. It's going to make you stronger and give you an idea of what you don't want. You're going to get lost and you're going to make a lot of mistakes. You're going to hurt people that you love and, most damagingly, you're going to hurt yourself in this process.
Your high standards of what's acceptable and what's not acceptable are never going to be met by yourself. In fact, you are going to break those boundaries and limitations and be extraordinarily happy. You are going to be able to love and be loved from all your heart. You are going to be the nice, warm, loving, considerate and caring person that you've always wanted to be. You are going to find a man who will enable you to be like that.
He will be as solid as a rock and make all your fears disappear. He will make you feel stronger and more empowered. He will bring out the very best of you.
You're going to find a great career path that you're going to enjoy doing but also will be able to afford to live the life that you want. Your colleagues will be nice, your friends will be great and your family is going to be proud of you.
By the time you're 30, you will have achieved everything that you thought you will not be able to achieve. 15 years from where you are now, you will be a happy, well-rounded woman. You know all those coins in those wishing wells that you always have the same wish for: "to be happy". Well 15 year old Andra, here you are, at 30. You are happy.
More so, you are not only happy now, but you have experienced great moments and loads of moments of happiness before also. They don't last very long and your soul is always craving for a more sustained, more solid foundation for your positive feelings. You want to stay happy longer, you don't want it to be fleeting. You're wondering how can people stay happy for long periods of time. But a few years down the line, That's going to be you.
And everything that you're doing now is making all of today possible. Happier for longer, solid, constant happiness and less depth to the negative states. Less depth for the darkness.
I am here to tell you that I love you. You are going to hate yourself so much over the next 15 years. You are going to so a lot of things that you will choose to see as detrimental but still do them. Over and over again. And you will take any opportunity you'll get to hate yourself and brake yourself wide open to destroy yourself.
But it's ok my dear, because at the end of it, you will be in a sunny park in west London, in the United Kingdon, as a British citizen, with a bachelors degree and a masters degree finished and a second degree started. You will learn to love and appreciate the sun and not hate it like you did in Romania due to the heat. You will be working for the currently 3rd largest newspaper in the world, in an inspiring building, with great people around you. You will go our for drinks and party with your work colleague on boat cruises on the Thames. You will be in a career that your skills are perfect for and you will get challenged and mentally stimulated, as you crave for so much. You are appreciated for the quality of work that you do and you will have just received a payrise and a promotion leading an IT team. The projects based work that you do is not only suited to your skills but also to your personality and variance needing nature without you feeling inappropriate because you need constant challenges and get bored of work so fast.
You are able to travel and see the world. You live in a city that always had enough things happening to keep anyone entertained so you will do loads of things here because you can and will afford to. You will not get bored. You will be inspired. You will go out and party and see beautiful views from beautiful restaurants.
You are optimistic and positive about your future and feel, for the first time in your life that the world is an oyster and that you can do loads of things, but still having a clear path in your mind.
You are lying in a park with the most beautiful man on the planet in your lap. The man that you love and makes you more fulfilled than any other person on the planet. The man that has helped and changed you, bringing out the most beautiful aspects of yourself out. The man that makes you whole.
So, I am writing to you Andra because I know you need me and I wanted to tell you how much I love you. I wanted to tell you that everything is going to be fine. I know that you've wanted to hear that all your life and continued hoping that, in the end things will work out. And I am here, writing to tell you that you're going to be ok. More than ok, you're going to be amazing. You're going to have amazing experiences and meet amazing people and you're going to be happy. So just continue to be your beautiful self. Because everything is going to be fine.
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