Relationships and exclusively dating

How to get from meeting someone you like to exclusively date them

When I met my current boyfriend, I was also seeing 3-4 other guys in the same time. I liked him, but never had any intention of stopping to see the other guys just because of him. 

First of all, you run out of options if you just stop seeing the rest of the guys and just see the one that you like. The no options gives you a desperation and a clingyness that nobody likes, especially a guy that you just met. I always like to keep my options open and don't like to focus my attention on one guy unless I am pretty damn sure he is worthy of it. 

You can contrast and compare. You will know some people more and others less, but still... You will have a context in which the guy that you like will have good things and bad things about him. In the no options case, you will tend to put him on a pedestal and the reality will never measure up to your ideal state, so it's very likely that he will soon after that "start to disappoint you". I was aware of the good things and the bad things every guy had that I as dating. Nobody is perfect, but by being able to give imperfections a context, I was able to realise how my boyfriends imperfections worked with mine and other peoples' just made them worse. 

Entertain and don't suffocate. At the beginning, I don't know any guy that doesn't like to take things slow. I am not staying that there might not be some out there, but I never choose to have a second date with a guy that comes on too eager, too strong... Those are early signs of co-dependency. Healthy, assertive, intelligent guys will have an independent life and will like to miss you and invite you into their life, rather than you barging in. My first dates with my boyfriend were 2 weeks apart, even 3, when we had other things come up for our first 3 months. 

Don't openly lie but be diplomatic. If he asks you point blank if you are seeing other people, then tell the truth. But without explanations or excuses as to why you are doing it, cause that's just making it into a bad thing. Be honest, but keep as many details to yourself as possible. Don't brag, don't try to put him down or make him feel one of many or unimportant (which he obviously isn't anyway since you are going to be dating him exclusively). Frankly, even if he is not the man that you want to be setting down with, a man gets very hurt by being treated like one of many and there is no need to be cruel with someone for no reason. They will also remember quite well if you ever have and you never know how things turn around in life. So don't put yourself down because there is nothing wrong with dating more people before you both decided to be exclusive and be honest about it without putting him down. 

Let him open the discussion and steer the conversation towards exclusiveness. Even if it's something you want anyway, what's the worst that can happen? You'll be taken out to some more dates by other guys (take advantage of it, it won't last, you'll soon end up being just with one guy potentially forever).  You don't have to give explanations to anyone about who you are seeing and what time you're coming home. And guys will be more likely to stick with being exclusive if it's something that they want, if it hasn't been imposed upon them and if they set the pace of it. They will feel (and rightly) that they were in control and ready to offer that, rather than following your expectations. 

Also guys in particular because they are more competitive, but people in general, don't like what they can get easily. I'm not professing playing games and being hard to get. Cause after being teenagers that not cool either. But it's a healthy balance between becoming available or taken for granted and being in control or dominating all the time. If the guy chases you and has to work a little, he will appreciate things more than just getting everything easily. 

Me and my boyfriend had the exclusive talk after 6 months. I slept with 6 guys since I'd met him and dated at least double that. We even went of holiday together and came back and then we talked about this. I enjoyed seeing those people. Some were good experiences and some were bad. I became a better person for it and I also appreciated him a lot more. I appreciated our relationship and how interesting our connection was because of all my other experiences. Otherwise, I would have had nothing to compare and contrast. And things were not easy at all between us. It wasn't at all because we matched the most that I chose to continue our relationship for. It was because it gave me, by far, the most: the most opportunities to grow, the most challenging situations, the most connecting moments I'd ever experienced - it got the most for me and out of me.