You know when you think you're in love with someone and share an amazing connection and there's nobody else you can think of... You can't breathe without thinking of this someone else, they come up, somehow, out of nowhere in all that you cause your brain all of the sudden seems wired towards interpreting things in their direction.....
And you feel this all consuming, all eagerness to be with them...
I seem to be finding myself in these situations out of nowhere and with no rational backing. I like to think of myself as quite a rational girl, with her head screwed on and emotions not getting to rule my life.
Yet, I seem to have this capacity to be so present with some people that nobody else matter. Morals and ethics and my own beliefs about what is right and what is wrong seems to disappear in the air like they never existed.
I'm trying not to judge myself too harshly and certainly not to criticise myself after these situations or during them appear in my life. I would like to learn and someone apply my lessons to the next case though, so that I feel I am making some progress.
What can you say to yourself when you think you're in love with someone, have strong feelings for them and then.... well, you just don't. A few months later you're asking yourself.... what the heck was I thinking? Or should I say, what the heck was I FEELING?
And then, I get myself into another situation... and I am not certain what comes over me... And here am I, thinking... what the heck was I thinking, man? Soooo not fucking cool!
But I guess such is the nature of feelings and you can only tell how strong and real feelings are in time. In my experience, the more fiery and insatiable they seem at the beginning, the faster they fade away into the dark night, leaving you wondering if you just imagined the whole thing.
It's nice to be present and enjoy, have fun and laugh. Enjoy, enjoy and enjoy. But... BUT... BUT...
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