Day 1

8:30 am

All I wanted to do this morning was give P a kiss. As I don't normally do this first thing in the morning I can only assume that I wanted to do this cause I knew I couldn't.


I also wanted to just give him a hug and say have a nice day today, which I do all the time, so maybe breaking a habit.


On the plus side, I didn't have to worry about him brushing his teeth, putting deodorant on, what he is wearing and thinking he need a new pair of trousers cause the one he is wearing are horrible, or that his shirt doesn't go with his jumper and that I wish he would care more about how he looks.


I also had a great nights sleep !!


On another plus side, I feel weirdly free knowing that I don't have to care too much about him.


Later on in the day..
12:30 pm

I am finding myself quite low generally. I've got an e-mail from him with a job (he is job hunting and we decided that all e-mails related to that are ok) and I was just happy to hear from him. I really wanted to ask if he is ok or what he is doing. I didn't, of course, but I am missing him more than I would on a Monday morning. 


I think this is the same symptom - I cannot talk to him, therefore I want to. 




8:30pm
Managed to get myself locked out if the flat, so had to call P to come and let me back into the flat.


That kinda broke the tension of not coming home to a ghost. But then nothing from P, he went to the bedroom and not heard a word from him. I am quite impressed and proud of him for sticking with this a bit better than I am.


I am not really missing him at all, as I am enjoying having the living room to myself and most importantly not worrying about what P is eating, timing of it, what we are watching and all that.


11pm
I am alone in bed and thinking I would like him to be here. My mind is racing with all these thoughts, but I am generally feeling better than last night when I was very low at the sheer thought we were doing this.