Day 3

I haven't been at work today cause I had to go do some medical stuff, as well as go to an e-tray exercise for Deloitte. Why did I even go to the exercise when I am perfectly happy in my job and I badly needed a rest? Because I cannot help it. Because I can't say no, because I would not have stopped thinking about it if I wouldn't have done it.

So, didn't really speak to P all day, but really missed him. Was home early, around 4pm and house was big and empty without him in it and I felt like the loneliest girl in the world and burst into tears. Tried to have a nap and couldn't, so I went to pilates and after returning from pilates, I started crying again the minute I arrived home.

P texted me in the mean time : "I am your boyfriend and I love you so much", with a photo of him on the train attached. And a few hours later, again, an "I love you" message. I responded to both of them.

I feel exhausted and very lacking in energy. Mental and physical. I simply don't know how to get myself out of this, I desperately need a holiday, but it's months before I am getting one.

My USA visa application (I am going through a complicated process), my new job, London move, relationship, going through another degree and trying to do stuff in London and keep kit and healthy, especially with my back is just too much. I need to do something to get some energy and feel less strained and less drained. But all I keep doing at the moment is crying out of nowhere.