Intro and setting the scene
It's one of those questions that it could potentially be very hard to answer. It could raise more questions, It could raise a whole set of problems that haven't yet been surfaced. It could be dangerous path to go down on. But, actually i found it quite a good opportunity for me to jot this down.
Because I feel excited about my life and my future, even if, from a rational point of view, I hardly have any reasons to be. I will be unemployed in 2 months time and nothing certain on that front. I could potentially be out of my relationship and single very soon. I am alone in a foreign country so don't even have that security that comes with being in the same environment as your family and relying on them for support.
Still, I have learnt to listen to my heart so much more these days. And it never fails me. I am positive and excited about the world and my life. Current and future.
Rationally, those things might be true. But my heart is telling me that my life is beautiful in every single way. And everything that is happening is perfect. I'm in a high state of awareness and mindfulness. I am completely present and highly in touch with all the energies around me. The world is singing and dancing with me. I am revelling as part of the ocean and I am swimming in it.
The clearer I can see things, the less I need to look at them. I can close my eyes peacefully. The more thoughts I have, the less I need to engage with them. It's the clarity knowing exactly what you need to do and how you need to do it. And the it is nothing. At the very present moment, it is just being. Nothing can me more beautiful than that.
Thinking about what you want normally takes you away from the present moment. But I know that my high state of being right now will allow me to be both. Fully present as well as focusing on something else. Also, asking yourself what you want is an opportunity for change, because it could be your soul screaming out to you that time for action has come.
What does A. want?
I want a life of love. At the highest and more succinct level, this is what I want.
Moving to the next level, I want a life of respect, consideration, kindness, fairness, tenderness and gentleness. I want a life filled with joy and laughter, with smiles and giggles. I want a life filled with generosity and support, acceptance and forgiveness. I want a life that is open and bright.
My life's mission has been to live my life without regrets. At 30 years old, I have none. I am the happiest I've ever been, I am the most fulfilled I've ever been. I am the greatest of the grandest vision of myself so far. I have more love in my heart for myself and for other people than I have ever had. I know that this is the path I want to follow.
A life of love in more details.
1. I want to keep loving myself. In order to do that, I want to accept myself and to forgive myself. I want to be able to respect myself. I want to be kind and gentle with myself.
In a more worldly manner, I wish to continue taking care of my body and find new ways to improve that. I want to stay healthy and active. I want to continue and take care of my mind, expand and keep learning.
I want to develop balance and a better connection with my mind and my body. I want to be able to hear them when they are "talking" to me. I want to be able to "talk" back.
I want to become more and more beautiful. Inside myself.
2. I want to be able to keep loving what I do. My career and my work are very important for me. I want to find new ways to make my work improve the lives of others and I want to have meaning. I want to have a purpose. I want to give as much as I can to the world through the skils and knowledge that I have.
I want to be able to have enough money in order to allow me to do all of these things. I don't want to have my life revolve around material things, but I want to be able to cherish, treasure and enjoy all the material things that are in my life, as well as experience joy when I acquire new ones, without greed or anxiety.
3. I want to keep loving the people around me. I love people. I have done so all my life. I want to keep seeing the best in everyone. I want to keep helping people as much as I can. I want to be able to smile to people and make them feel better. I want to engage in meaningful connections. I want to change people's lives, just like I have done in the past, for the better.
I want to love and support my family, just like they have done, for most of my life and still continuing to do from another country. I want to buy flowers for my mum and show her how great she is.
I want to love my friends and be able to help them in every way conceivable. I want to be more resourceful when they need me.
I want to love strangers. Give money to people on the street, help someone with luggage up the stairs. Give my seat to an old woman. Say than you to the bus driver, even if nobody else does.
4. I want to love everything around me. I want to keep loving trees and never be ashamed of my need to hug a tree when I feel that it needs it. I want to keep loving the salty air near an ocean like it't the first and only breath that I'll ever take in my life. I want to continue to love shapes and colours. Seeing beauty everywhere. I want to continue to love architecture, paintings, photography, sculpture, design.
I want to continue to love, be interested and fascinated with all fields of knowledge: physics, mathematics, chemistry, biology, sociology, psychology, economics, politics, history.
Most of all, i would like to continue my rational quest on spirituality and, most importantly, my irrational experience of it. Be able to share it and use as a force for good.
The rant. Big and small things that A. wants from life
A. wants to have an extraordinary life. Or the most ordinary life there is. Concepts are hard to define. But when, in your heart, you have it and live it and it feels right, then you know that's IT.
A. wants to be loved passionately by a man who will go to the moon for her. And maybe take her with him there. In the same way, A. wants to love a man with all of her being and do extraordinary things for him. A wants a man to inspire her to the greatness that she knows she's got within. Emotionally, mentally and physically.
A. wants to try every possible experience there is out there, that is kindly offered to her by the universe. A. doesn't want to settle for a life that is half lived. A. doesn't want to just survive and hope for the best. A. wants the best. To live it, to sniff it, lick it and taste it. Chew it. Put it all over her body so it can enter her skin.
A. wants to lust life. Do crazy things. Laugh a lot. Never look back. Don't let the future impede on the present. Dance whenever she feels like it. Be adored. Be herself. Be free and seek freedom in all aspects. Allow people to be themselves. Laugh. Smile to strangers. Experience music. Live passionately. Feel silky smooth sheets. Dress up in fancy dress. Have the best restaurant views. Drink champagne in the pool. Smell the fresh air after rain. Do more sky diving. Learn to fly. Drive fast. Laugh.
Drown in eternity. And be a shooting bright star for a brief second.
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