How to end a 5 year old relationship

I have been thinking occasionally things could go better. But in 5 years, anybody can think that at least a few times. There weren't many fights, so I was very lucky not to be put in a crisis situation as often. Of course, you can argue that didn't prepare me either.

Were there signs that I chose to ignore? Maybe. It's not like we were meant to be or anything like that. We were quite different from the beginning. But I guess that was what I wanted then. I went from an extreme to the other - very similar boyfriend, not working, let's try a completely different one. I went too far back. Should've gone for the middle, but I had no idea what the middle meant.

It's still very fuzzy, but I like to think I am closer to it. We all hope to evolve. I, on the other hand, hope to never grow up. Maybe adjust slightly and then go from there ... ?

This whole breaking up thing started - not a big surprise there - from another guy. Maybe because I fell in love with me being in a certain way again, maybe because it woke up some other issues. But, again, a guy came into the picture and I remembered that this was not my plan.

Not that I had a plan anyway. But I just like a child - when I want love, I want to have it now and then, when I don't, I just want to be left alone and fight my own battles with my brain.

You cannot do that in a long term relationship, where you have to "take the needs of the significant other in consideration because you are not on your own any more". Fuck the Other! We are all incredibly selfish, aren't we all? Come on, I want to hear everybody clap your hands!

On the more serious side, I hate being cheated, lied, taken for granted, ignored (if I crave attention), not satisfied (in bed and ... with holding hands). Most of all, I hate ....

To be perfectly honest, things that I hate change. after I will finish this post, I will find other things to list there and then more after that and so on.

It would be great to actually have something to do with the title. So, on a not so serious note (because I have been crying too much in the past 3 days...):

1. Take one great guy with very solid principles about life and other things that fly by

2. Mess up his beliefs into a large sauce pan and add some salt:

a. there is no God, religion is just one big scam and a fantasy that people need in order to get by their miserable little lives.

b. Marriage is just a piece of paper - people who really love eachother don't need a written proof to say their relationship is going well

c. Children are a selfish expression of people's fears related to death and growing old with no one to take care of you.

.... you get the point

3. Start talking about future - distant and very distant - and how other galaxies might exist: I would like to grow old with you but make sure every time you say these kinds of things, you also mention "oh, but you know I am just fantasising about these in the next 2 seconds and I am not really that serious. It's just for these 2 seconds that I really believe what I am saying. After that, it could all change"

4. Don't feel guilty about anything ever, guilt doesn't have a taste or smell. Guilt is not red or green and surely doesn't keep you fit. I warned you not to take me seriously, did I?

5. Add some spontaneity - if you jump, you can always deal with the consequences later. Don't be afraid to ask for help, someone can push you.

I was going for a 6, but the truth is ... I have been incredibly lucky my entire life. I have had some extraordinary people around me, at the right times in my life.. to make me swim in the sea, to make me turn the page, to give me taste and music, power and stubbornness, to teach me humility and kindness.

I have taken it all in. I have left a piece of me where it belonged.

I am doing this again - leaving another great guy. I am all human (yes, in spite of you thinking I could be metal or something) and I am scared and all that crap, but this is what I do best. I learn new things, I look at everything around and I make it better. I am always looking for better. We have a duty to look for better.

You see, I wanted to be an astronaut when I was 6. My dad told me I couldn't do it physically, as I don't hear with one ear - so the closest I could get to the stars is with my mind. That's why I need to keep my mind going at all times, no matter what the effect it has on my other - not so significant - organs.

Get a fresh gust of wind in your head and always eat ice cream in the winter!