Q to A.

Remember when we were on your bed, in your room after being together for 3 years and you said you don't believe people are meant to be monogamous? Back then, I remember it as the moment I knew I can never get back with you and try to find someone who at least attempts to believe the contrary as I could not start with a loser mentality.

Now that I have come to be 10 years later, I am perhaps asking myself the same question. And even though I have in my life the guy that has made me think about marriage, the thought of being with the same person for the rest of my life is very weird.

Isn't this supposed to be nice and fuzzy and warm inside, when you know that this feels right. Basically, how do you know? How can you know if there is supposed to be that one person for you and how do you tell it from the rest? And if there isn't supposed to be a person for you but you actually have to make a choice and build on it and fight and so on, how do you know which battle to pick?

Are the thoughts of ...I am only going to have sex with just one person, am I am going to just kiss this one person and am I going to whatever else with just one person.... Are these normal? Maybe this is what everyone says and in fact this is quite normal? Do I want it to be?

I know you recently told me that you have no steady relationship and no thoughts of getting married etc. But to me being with someone has always been a part of me. I just cannot be without a companion, and I am quite fine if that companion is different from one another. Of course, it's never about the sex or the physical closeness, it's about variety and the things that you discuss and the new perspectives you get from someone new. The mental stimulation, ah! That's the real sin here, isn't it? But that always comes with some sort of physical closeness, even if it's just the subtle implication of it....

And the companionship seems to be related to social rules and engagements, even if you don't really care too much for them, the rules and regulations are always there and of course when faced with the alternative, I do seem to just want to opposite, no matter what that is....

Is there something wrong with me? Because I can't surely have my cake and eat it whenever I feel like it.