Ironically ....

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Unfortunatelly
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... enough.... I am dating a guy who is potentially my ex. 

I say that because him and my ex are born in the same day. How much can 2 people born on the same day, 5 years apart, in 2 separate cultures can be the same? 

Ironically
Cynically
Unfortunatelly
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... enough.... I have started dating them in a very similar way. Not in a sick way, what is wrong with you freak way? In a way where we madly fell in love with one another, where you cannot think of anything else but that person, in a drugs addictive way, in an obbsesive, passion of lust and desire and common interests for music, for photography for.... things that make our lives less mundane. 

And in both instances, I feel blinded by that initial outburst to think long, hard along the life that will come later on. I have failed once. 3 years and one life that will never be the same.

I am trying really hard not to make the same mistakes, and yet here I am ... in the ULTIMATE MISTAKE. This cannot get any more ....

Ironical
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.... even if I tried. 

What are the differences this time and what are the similar points? It's hard to say, as one friend pointed out... the minute I heard that s. is born in the same day as P., my ex, did I just automatically qualify him and I am now looking for things in common? It's hard to say, but I am quite a rational person, so I would like to think not too much. 

Differences: 
- the biggest and the first one that comes to mind is height. P. is 1.83 and s. is 1.94. Now this may not seem much, but it makes a huge difference to my brain assesing who is the man and who is the woman in a relationship. And not that I want to be doing the dishes, but I if the guy is going to have a weak side, needing mental support and so on, the height is at least one thing that will always make me naturally feel like I am with a man, who can just sink me into his arms, even if I am holding down the foundation. 

- another important one is age - s. is unfortunately 25 and P. is 30. 5 years is a long time in the level of maturity of a person, but I always thought and will stand by that it's the things that you've been through, the level of thinking and the mentality that make you mature, not your age. That being said, I am not sure how good that is, because I don't think s. has got the years or the life experience, but maybe the cultural background and the mentality to make up for it.

- which brings be to the 3rd difference - which is a cultural/nationality one. I would say nationality could not necesarily make much difference, just a little bit, but also the type of family within that country will make a huge difference. P. being from a British culture that is very childish at heart and behaviour, whereas s. is polish, which I know is a culture that will encourage good values, morals, maturity and a level of culture and knowledge that will give a man a certain upbringing if coming from the right family.  

- career opportunities - the age could be a good factor here - cause P. was in a dead-end job, dead-end career when I met him. It has taken me 3 years to change that, at the expense, arguably of our relationship. s., is in a good career choice, with loads of opportunities. Now, I am not sure yet how much of that will be of any use if it's not coupled with the right ambition and career drive. But maybe the culture (eastern european) might work a bit here and he will already have the foundations laid for me. But if left to his own accord, I am not sure how career ambitious s. is. But the fact that he is on a better track at leats gives me a better material to work with. It remains to be seen if I can/will have energy to. 

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Similarities

This is the part that I don't like and dread actually writing down. Because this makes it all  

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- need for encouragement and support

- need for emotional attention

- pessimistit attitude towards things

- need to be pushed rather than pull or walk along - want an equal partner rather than push all the time

-  jealousy

- insecure/ lack of self-esteem

 requires a lot of energy

because I mirror - it debalances me

 very chivalours

emotionally supportive

reliable

helpful - and liking to be helpful

caring, tender, gentle, loving

great long-term partner