Tired and Un-Inspired

This may not be the best way to start writing, but it surely is representative of my real state.... state of a mess, I must say. After arriving home on 18th Dec, I started the "going out series" - dancing and drinking until 5am every day. Some days I was so drunk I could not walk, some days I don't remember much of, in others i was dancing in the street.

I smoked some pot and got very sick - definitely not for me, I don't know why I keep doing it when an opportunity pops up. I am very fond of feeling dizzy from the alcohol, but not from drugs. One vice at a time please!

Another day - After drinking the wrong combination - beer and tequila - I also ended up on the bathroom floor in a club. Not a nice feeling at all. I got some good friends that faced the ladies toilet and looked for me only to discover I would like to go, but have a lot of trouble walking. Thank God for big strong guys carrying me through the cold: "Don't put me in a taxi, I will throw up the second I get in! I need to feel concrete under my feet". So I got walked in a freezing cold, in the park... with all the snow and all the white... I threw up. Then sat on a bench and got huged... since he was warm and fluffy, I fell asleep. "I am so sorry that you have to do this", I kept saying but he kept shutting me up.

I also had sex with the wrong guy. Wrong not because he is bad in any way. But because of the circumstances and the context. But, in the end, we forgot about the world around us because there was nobody from the world there with us. So, we played along and gave each other what we both needed at that time. We both happened to need more before and after sex - we needed some thoughts and emotions, tenderness and attention... we just fell in love for a few hours, with both of us knowing right from the start that it would only be hours.

I think we needed to feel human in all aspects of it. It gave us the illusion of normality, since we knew each other so well, we were familiar, yet discovering the interesting parts.

I smile a lot. People tend to smile back. I look up to the tall buildings and the sky. I met some new people and I found magic again. It is well hidden in Bucharest, it should be easier to find and swim in. It should be staring people in the face - they need it so much here. It is easy to get lost in the Grey background of the communist buildings. I have to admit the thought of me being here temporarily helps with the attitude and the different perspective on the world at large, Bucharest in particular.

But time isn't coming back for either of us, so people should wake up from the little numb state they are in and make the best of all the muddy streets, the piles of snow and angry drivers.

To hell with them all! Let's play and run and dance!