My trip to Spain was a big email to s. We were in touch every day, a few times per day, sending photos and sharing thoughts. I have included a random order of passages from emails. Most of them describe my state of mind and including his emails would've been a bit too intrusive, as he hasn't really signed up for his most intimate thoughts to be published online, so haven't included any of those.
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I'm in the internal courtyard after a short summer shower. It smells heavenly, I wish I could photograph the smell... Of fresh rain, fresh air, fresh clouds running by, it's amazing how being in a place like this can make your brain breathe, take a break and find yourself more alive than ever. It's still warm so I am still in my shorts and with a light cardigan on. It reminds me of summers at home, in Romania.
And I don't believe it's very healthy for people in a relationship to be doing exactly the same things. As you might have gathered, I am an advocate of freedom and independence. But also of balance. Having almost no things in common is also quite hard, so a healthy balance I would say its the perfect situation. In reality, it rarely works. But I guess hope dies last...
Awww.... You want me back? I'm not sure I want to come back. The more time I'm here, the more I start thinking about my life and about finding my happiness, inner peace and some sort of path... It's so easy to get sucked in meaningless life in London - one day passing like a split second that you never have time to realise you're alive...
I am sorry... About you being taken for granted.... I am not sure what else to say.... I think I have unfortunately done that in the past with other people too and I hope I have learnt from my mistakes, but it's easy to fall down a dark path. And it's a one way street, because you can never go back even if you want it badly.
"Share the magic with someone" :) that made me smile.... You have a very beautiful soul and certainly bring out the magic in me....
Moments of weakness. Well, there would be no good without the existence of evil, so in order to be strong you've got to be weak also. As you can see from my emails, being away has made me very philosophical about things... This is what happens when I'm on my own... You need to tell me if I'm boring you.
Well, I am the same. About being Romanian, I completely understand. The funny thing is that you're not a very typical Polish guy, as I am not a typical Romanian girl. So, together, not sure if that makes us completely extraordinary or completely ordinary :)
But you are right. Me being from Romania in Spain is probably worse than being a Romanian in England. Yet, I am challenging everything these people think they know bad about Romania by teaching them English and about UK etc.
That "polish guy" tag is not necessarily something bad, as used in this opening salutation in a nice way just to show you it can be done. But as I would never want you to refer to me as the Romanian girl.... I can understand why you would want to get rid of that tag.
So, the question is... Who do you want to be? Do you have a vision of who you are or who you want to be as person and how best to do that? Have you ever given that any thought?
Haha - only I can turn a holiday into a business trip. But it's basically just having loads of one to one sessions with people. It's 17 of English people and 17 of Spanish so we all need to spend at least one hour during this week to talk to one another. Then we have group activities etc. The subjects of discussions vary depending on the intelligence and English capability of the person. Mostly talking about myself and they talk about them. Occasionally, you might find someone that you can actually talk tot about life beliefs, psychology, new experiences, sharing thoughts, building constructive arguments. As I am a conversationalist, I am here in my element. I love getting to know what people are made of.
It's just a bit tiring doing this 14h a day, thats all. But challenging your brain never killed anyone :)
And yes, it's weird how the smallest of things give you the greatest satisfaction, even chasing a ball around. I am so glad you won today, you needed it for your morale.
Thanks for the explanation on the number of your shirt. It's a very nice story behind it.
It sounds like your gf just loves you if she wants to be with you that much. It's just in a more possessive way than maybe it should be, but some girls do tend to be like that you know. It's a matter of personality mixed with life experience to understand how important freedom and individuality are in a relationship. I would say give her a break, she might grow up a bit, but then my heart sinks right after I say that. But that will never stop me from telling you what I think though - unfortunately for me :(((
I know the accordion video wasn't great, it was just to show you that if I would've walked in disgust before passing him, I now think of you and how you've shown me so many wonderful things.
I feel terribly lonely tonight. After being surrounded by so many people today, it's just an anti-climax being alone in a gorgeous room in an empty bed. I feel like a waste of space. :(
It's gorgeous up here, there are mountains around, it's warm and green and with the biggest windowsill for me sit on and write this mail to you. I love sitting on wide windowsill and reading etc.
Had a long day today, woke up early, got to the meeting point, got driven here, had loads of presentations and had to soak to loads of people as this is why the Spanish people have paid for. A quick couple of hours to unpack, shower and then head back for the afternoon session.
I am glad you felt good about the talk yesterday, cause I did too. Don't worry, you didn't sound stupid nor irresponsible. And I know you're not trying to use me, just as much as I am not trying to use you. We both enjoy each other and we don't even have to be physically together, cause as you can see we can just email and still feel connected.
The only reason I am still doing this is because you don't find that very often. And magic in the world is scarce, passes very fast and if you blink you might just have missed it. That's why I am, for now trying to hold on to our own little magic moments because they are stolen, because thinking of you makes me feel alive.
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