Dating for the first time at 28 - it's like quitting smoking

You've got to get rid of of bad habits gathered throughout the years, plus joggle too many things for just  hands. 

It’s a learning curve. You kinda have an idea what you’re looking for. But then it’s easy to get lost. Because you meet so many people.

I always see something nice in all the people I meet. It’s like an automatic mechanism. New person = find that bit of magic that makes them human. And I’m quite good at finding it.

And then I just end up talking to these people – establishing a connection. They like me, they think I am the most open person they’ve ever met. They think I am funny, witty and so relaxed and natural. And I like them too. I like talking to people, I like being around people. No matter how wrong or "not suitable" they are for me, I still love every human being I meet: they are a mystery, a puzzle to solve, a wonder to discover.

The problem is that I am looking for a relationship with a specific set of criteria that I know any long-term relationship of mine will not survive without. But I get easily detracted from that when I just meet someone nice. The vast majority of these people don’t fulfil my basic criteria for me to even consider being in a relationship with them. But I don’t mind, cause I like people. And then, a few more dates down the line… I realise I should’ve stopped it a while ago, because I was never going anywhere with anything besides me discovering another puzzle.  

So, I apparently have supposed to have done all this “dating thing” by now and know all these things - what to do and what not to do - cause it's not nice playing with people's lives (which I never do on purpose, it's just who I am). But when you’ve been in one relationship after another for all of your life, and have never been properly single and dating different men since you were 15, then… well… I suppose you don’t know these things.

So, now, I am trying to find some new rules to put in place for myself, moving up the learning curve. 

1.  One date only - if I can’t decide if the guy is “relationship potential” from the first date, I am only allowed one more date. After that, I need to decide to pursue this with the focus of building a long-term relationship or nothing at all. I am wasting everyone’s time and energy with anything else.

2. I need to decide on what are my 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers – and asses the must haves at my first date as much as possible, as well as try and eliminate the deal breakers. Too many criteria will make things difficult, but having none leads to – "I like this guy, let’s hang out, cause I like messing about with people, as long as it's nothing too serious". Wasting everyone's time and making things harder to break. 

3. If I pursue more dates, then I need to do a re-assessment of my interest vs. his interest after 4-5 dates (approx. a month) and then decide whether to continue or not. Otherwise, it could just continue for no real reason indefinitely.