The player

I met A. at a singles event. He had several friends with him and we ended up talking for a good couple of hours. He is very tall, handsome, charming, intelligent with a good job and proper education. The sort of guy that would not bore me to death in half an hour of a conversation. And he didn't.

He asked for my number, talked a bit more then he went away with his friends, probably to pick up more girls.

He texted me the next day and we went out today. To a very non-traditional date for a British guy. It didn't involve drinking or going into any sort of pub, bar or restaurant. We met at the Tate Modern, had some tea in the cafe, with a great view and great conversation. The guy just got hotter and hotter. He has got a really nice accent, he's funny but most importantly he can talk for ages and not bore me at all.

He asked if I want to go for a walk. So we did. A tea in a museum cafe and a walk on the south bank is an amazing date. Probably the best I've had in years. A really laid back trying to get to know each other date without any alcohol involved. He had quit drinking for a triathlon. I just like people who are different.

And then it started. The conversation about ex-es. And relationships. Despite not looking older than 31, he is 38. This seems to be a re-occurring thing with me at the moment but I shall address that in another post. He has never lived with a girl. Has probably had one long term relationship, for 4 years and maybe a couple others that he calls serious relationships and he has cheated on all of them. He has also broken up with all of them.

My alarm bells went all over. They went so bad that I couldn't even hide them during our date. It was so bad that not even the attempt at the conversation after the awkward moments went really bad. What the hell am I doing? Dating myself 10 years into the future? Not able to commit, with weird baggage and commitment issues?

Most of all, I am really scared. I could so easily fall for guy because... Well... Because he's got that something. And I would lose the control I have over my normal relationships. I don't want to lose control. I am scared I will be one of his girls that he cheats and then leaves.

For now, I don't even know if he will ever want to see me again. And I don't even know if I should be happy or not if I never hear from him again. Or if I will need to text him tomorrow so bad and won't be able to help myself. How can I know what to do if I don't even know if I should screw this up because its just safe or go for it because it's not.