Sometimes I don't want to write

... But I have to. It's my way of getting rid of thoughts from my brain and onto the now "digital paper". That's why, I never read what I have already published, that's why when someone asks about it, I never quite remember exactly what I said and the circumstances that brought it. Because once they're out, they stay there. These are feelings and thoughts done and over with.

I am horny today. And I won't be able to have sex with anyone. This is a strange feeling for a girl, maybe for me in particular because I've always had a boyfriend to satisfy these moments. Even if it wasn't a monogamous relationship, I've always had at least a guy that I could call and there you go, problem solved.

Today, all of my options are either out of town, busy with other plans or I don't really want to go there because they will interpret it as something more when it just isn't and then I'll have to deal with breaking up with them. Leaving someone after sex is always harder.

I am not sure if guys ever understand that girls sometimes just want someone to sleep with, without all the complicated emotional shit that comes along with it. Maybe I should just keep this generalisation to myself.

I just want to have sex. Uncomplicated, purely physical, fulfilling a basic human need sex. I don't want to be "made love" to all night long. I don't want to be held in his arms afterwards. I want a good old roll in the hay, that doesn't last too long so that it feels like a marathon, passionate, but also a bit light hearted so I can turn around and happily go to sleep afterwards.

I want to make a man melt with pleasure. I want to make him moan with desire. I want to drive a guy crazy. I want exactly the same done to me. I want us to come in the same time. I want to feel tired, but awake in the same time. I want to smoke a cigarette afterwards and then go to sleep.